Behind The Scenes of an Identity Death: Navigating a New Career
Quietly over the last 18 months, my career has slowly been creaking and cracking itself a new form.
It wasn’t an overnight decision.
It wasn’t an instant gut reaction.
It wasn’t even something I necessarily wanted to do.
But it felt like a compulsion. A force outside of myself that turned me towards it each time I looked away.
Styling women has felt like home for many years. The things I learnt about myself and about women still humbles me and makes me grateful I had the opportunity to create a career out of self empowerment.
I still adore clothes and still feel very passionately about the impact they can have on your mind, your emotions, your energy and your attitude (not to mention your posture, your digestion and your breathing). However, a pathway beckoned, and I stepped off the well-worn road of my current career choice and headed off into the unknown.
Over the years, many people have reached out about the words and images I share. Telling me stories about their lives, asking for help in some way or complimenting me because it impacted them. But still I couldn’t quite make the leap across the chasm into a world of words.
Until sometimes you are left with no choice.
The pandemic began, my 40th birthday loomed (mid life mayhem ensued) and the way I had been styling was no longer an option. Shops were closed, people were panicked, and everyone was stuck at home.
In uncertainty, things can become clear.
I started to write more. Edit photos and share them. Create galleries of my work. Share poems I wrote. Had creative brainstorming sessions with people about their brands. Started crafting social media posts for a handful of businesses. Took candid, relatable, beautiful photos for brands… on my phone and started to see a way forward.
In amongst all this, I turned 40, got engaged, cleared out lots of physical possession, started the process of healing my gut and began to slow down.
In face, I became sloth-like at one point. My body wanting rest, my heart wanting an opening, my mind wanting silence.
I felt like I was being left behind, that nothing was happening, and my progress was so inconsequential it wasn’t even worth talking about. Aaahhh but how tricky is the mind? And how ingrained is the belief that “work hard, hustle hard, don’t rest, don’t stop, keep going, keep doing, more more MORE’ is the only option? I’m not sure about you - but this was definitely the only way I imagined I could achieve impressive success.
But then I decided to ponder about “success” and what that actually looked like for me, in my life, with the dreams I held.
Success looked like slowness.
Success looked like space.
Success looked like freedom, creativity, joy, passion, art, beauty, nature.
Success looked like dog walks in the morning sunshine and afternoon writing sessions while the sun dipped.
Success looked like cosy cuddles with my man and long dinners with my friends.
Success looked like feeling included, feeling connected, feeling helpful and feeling loving.
Success stopped being attached to achievements in the traditional sense, or what I owned or what awards or recognition I might receive. It stopped being attached to how many hours I worked, how many days I worked and how much I produced. It stopped being attached to what other people decided success was and become something malleable and changeable to the current version of myself.
And the more I think about all this - the more I realise I still have no definitive answer but I’ve become more adept at following what appears to be working, and creating enjoyment, fulfilment, and peace.
Navigating a new path feels awkward, and brings up fears about falling behind. But it has also brought a deep reverence for simplicity and for stepping out of the fast lane (whatever that is).
Currently I don’t know what to call myself in regards to a professional title as I’ve been a stylist for so long. My services range from writing to taking photos to brainstorming creative ideas for clients. I have a suite of sassy style courses and my poetry book will be published very soon.
For now, the lack of a definitive label feels liberating. And terrifying. In almost equal measure.
Let’s see what happens next shall we…
M xx
“It wasn’t an overnight decision.
It wasn’t an instant gut reaction.
It wasn’t even something I necessarily wanted to do.
But it felt like a compulsion. A force outside of myself that turned me towards it each time I looked away. ”
If you would like to know more about the words, images and messenging I’m creating for clients these days - you can go have a look at the options on the SHOP page.